Normal People Scare Me
by Scythemistress
Summary: I suck at summaries. Let's just say that this is what would happen if me and my insane friends took over Gravitation. People with weak constitutions and moral values should not read this fic.
1. Marsupials Do

** Gravitation Parrody**

**(A/N : This a co-authoring/collaboration between Mistressofthesand and myself. Remember..WE OWN NOTHING! Well except for the plot and some select characters..but other wize that's it. By the way, if you have not seen Napolean Dynamite you will not get some of our dark/stupid humor. Now..please...read and enjoy this wonderful (riiight) fanfiction that I have taken the time to type up for you.)**

**Chapter 1 : That's not what you said last night**

Shuichi: Yuki?

Yuki: irritated What?

Shuichi: Will you help me? I can't reach that one special plae right between my-

Yuki: Shut up! You promised we wouldn't talk about last night!

Shuichi: my..shoulder...blades... gets big blushie things Oh, I know what you were thinking. puts finger to lip You naughty boy.

Yuki: blushing angrily Shut up! throws pillow at him

Oscar: Hi ya'll!

Shuichi: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU! YUKI IS MINE! latches onto Yuki, has cat face on, hisses at Oscar

Oscar: Marsupials do!

Shuichi: Huh?

Oscar: Because they're faaast.

Ai: Okay, cut, cut.

Tori-sama: stomping up to Oscar WHO THE HELL ARE YOU! pokes oscar HUH? HUH?

Ai: How did you get in? SECURITY! mexican people in car that says "Vote for Pedro" pull up, grab oscar

Oscar: Wait, hey guys! No! No not the trunk! Not the trunk! They throw Oscar in the trunk muffled Oscar voice Oh shit. YOU BETTER HOPE I DON'T PISS IN HERE! Mexicans drive away

Ai: holding head in hands Oh god. This is the third time that someone has interrupted our rehearsals this week! Ai glares at Tori-sama in director's chair beside her Not including the time when Tori over here forced us to stop production so she could have brownies. Tori-sama scratches neck, looks aroud

Tori- sama: Oh! I forgot! looks in big white bag/purse and pulls out thick stack of papers You all need to fill these out! Hiro. Ayaka, Mr.Sakano, all ya'll come here for a sec.

cast of char. emerge from studio break room

Tori- sama: I need you all to sign these. hands out pens and papers, char.s sign them.

Fujisaki: Wait. We already signed our contracts.

Tori-sama: Oh I know.

Hiro: The what did we just sign?

Ai-chan: slyly Oh, nothing.

Tori-sama: Just a consent form that makes everything in your contract null and void and gives us the right/license to do anything and everything we want with you and everything connected to you.

Ai-chan: nodding happily That's right.

Tori- sama & Ai-chan exchange looks, then giggle evilly and glance at Hiro

Hiro: pales even further No.

Tori-sama: Oh yes.

Ai-chan: Um-hmm.

Ayaka: No! I will not allow you to harm Hiroshi!

Tori-sama: You stay outta this bitch!

Hiro: What did you call her!

Tori-sama: I called her a bitch, yeah, a female dog! What cha gonna do about it? Huh? Huh? You can't do nothing! Cause you're mine! All mine! grips scythe MWAHAHA-

Ai: pouting Nu-uhl, he's mine too!

Tori-sama: gets serious face Okay, yeah whatever, but YOU'RE STILL MINE! Ai-chan clears throat and hers too. Ai-chan smiles happy-like

Ai: Hey. We need banana-nut muffins. shoulders bag Okay. We're gonna go get some. You guys stay here. And be good. considers Well, except you, Hiro. You can be as bad as you want to. Hehe.

Hiro: hangs head

Tori-sama: Ima go get some brownies. glares at Ayaka You try ANYTHING.. And there will be extreme pain and suffering! EXTREME PAIN AND SUFFERING! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ai-chan drags maniacally laughing Tori-sama out door

**(A/N : So..how was it? It will get better as we go along. (maybe) I'll try to get up Chapter 2 real soon! Farewell my pretties!)**


	2. Muffins and Mayhem

CHAPTER 2!

**(A/N: I apologize...I have not updated...but Mistressofthesand is making me..so I am. Again WE OWN NOTHING. Enjoy.)**

Shuichi : Hmm. (starts thinking) Hey. Hey! If we just erase our names off these consent forms...it will be like we never signed 'em, right? (everyone scrambles for erasers)

Fujisaki : No. (erases harder) No! She made us sign in SHARPIES!

(Somewhere, Tori-sama sneezes..)

Shuichi : Before they take total control our lives, lets...(whispers in Yuki's ear. Yuki blushes)

Yuki : Get away, you damn brat. (pushes Shuichi away)

Shuichi : (In singsong voice) That's not what you called me last night...And you said that if I promised not to talk about it you would -

Yuki : (covers Shuichi's mouth, gets redder, looks around at people in room) Shut up, Shuichi (Shuichi gets chibi eyes) What the hell are you lookin' at, huh? (people look away)

Shuichi : (bites Yuki's hand, Yuki moves it)

Ayaka : DON'T BITE MY EIRI!

Hiro : B-but...Ayaka...you said that you -

Ayaka : Well I've realized that I'm still in love with Eiri!

(Everything is quiet for a second, then there is loud tearing noise)

Shu : What was that?

Hiro : (On floor face down) My heart. It has been ripped apart by that...woman.

Yuki : (grabs head) You've got to be kidding me.

Shu : Oh you bitch. First you make the moves on my Yuki, and THEN you break Hiro's heart? Hey, speaking of Hiro, does anybody here know how to sew? Cause we need to get Hiro's heart back together before the Author's come back.

MEANWHILE...

(Tori-sama and Ai-chan are munching on brownies and banana-nut muffins respectively, listening to Aerials)

**(A/N : Aerials is this awesome song by SYSTEM OF A DOWN that me and mistressofthesand both love. Back to the story)**

Tori-sama : (munch munch..)

Ai-chan : (munch munch swallow) AHH SHIT WE GOTTA GET BACK!

Tori-sama : Okay. (Walks forward a few paces, then stops and looks back at lone brownie sitting on counter. Looks forward again to where Ai-chan is running, then goes back, gets brownie and hurries to catch up)

Shuichi : BITCH!

Ayaka : MANWHORE!

Shuichi : SO! I'M STILL A MAN, YUKI IS GAY!

Ayaka : YOU WERE NEVER A MAN, YOU FAGGOT!

Shuichi : THAT HURTS, AYAKA! THAT HURTS ME DEEP! Yuki, kiss it and make it better. (leans in toward Yuki, closes eyes, puckers mouth)

Ayaka : NOOO! (boots Yuki out of the way, he lands on floor, Shuichi kisses Ayaka instead, everyone gasps)

Shuichi : (Opens eyes, sees Ayaka) AHHHHHHHH! My mouth! It's ruined! (spits on ground repeadedly, claws at toungue)

Ayaka : ... (touches fingers to lips)

Touma : Miss Ayaka! Shuichi!

Shuichi : Eh? NONONONONO! I'm gay! I'm gay! There's nothing between me and Ayaka like that, I love Yuki! (Sees menacing shadow) Huh?

Ryu : GIANT FLYING SQUIRREL! (lands on top of Shu-chan's head)

Touma : Miss Ayaka, why did you kick Eiri like that! You know his condition is still sort of fragile. And you say you love him. (Shakes head)

Ayaka : No I don't.

ALL : (GASP)

Ayaka : My feelings toward Eiri from now on are strictly platonic.

Shuichi : (Celebrating silently with tears streaming down, floating around Yuki's head throwing confetti and blowing those thingies. cheesy victory music plays in background.)

Ayaka : For I choose to direct my love towards Shuichi Shindo.

Shu : (trumpets blast, Shu gets white outline and falls headfirst to floor)

Ryuichi : Uh-oh Mr.Bear, Shuichi doesn't look too good. But don't be sad, Shuichi! If you cry you'll get hungry!

(All sweatdrop)

Fujisaki : No. I don't wanna live like this. Somebody kill me now.

K : (Pulls out gun, shoots Fujisaki) Okay.

Fujisaki : I wasn't being serious, you (Dies)

K : Oh. Uh...(Looks around, sets gun down on table and steps back, pulling up pants.) Hey, who put that there?

All: (Twitch)

Shu : Yuki? I'm still gay, right! I'm still your lover, right!

Yuki : (Getting up off floor, has headache. Puts arm around Shuichi to help support himself. He didn't hear Shuichi's question.)

Shu : (Mistaking Yuki's gesture for male affection.) Yuki!

Yuki : (Bashes his head) Shut up! Yes, you're my lover, stop asking me. Don't talk, my head hurts.

Ayaka : Don't hit Shu-chan!

Shuichi : ONLY YUKI CAN CALL ME THAT!

Yuki : (Gritting teeth) Shut up. That's not helping my head.

Tori-sama : WHAT'S GOING ON HERE! (Bursts through door)

Ai : YEAH!

Yuki : Oh god.

Ai-chan : (Spots Hiro on floor) Hey. Hey! (Runs over to Hiro) Hiro. Hiro. Hiro! (Pokes him) Awww..he's squishy. (Clears throat) HIRO! (Air gets very cold) What happened. Tell me or people will die.

All: (Gulp)

Shuichi: IT'S ALL AYAKE'S FAULT, she-

Tori-sama : Don't talk, I think you've all made Ai-chan mad. That's why the room got cold. OKAY, ALL OF YOU, IN THE ROOM! (Ushers characters into big sound proof room think, clicks door shut)

Ai-chan : Okay. Find me a sewing kit.

(Tori-sama opens door to "the room")

Tori-sama : Hey! Anybody got a sewing kit!

Ryu : I do! (Tori-sama grabs him and pulls him out of room) I always carry it, just in case Mr.Bear rips a seam or something. You need it?

Tori-sama : No, that's why I asked for it. (Sarcasm)

(Tere-sama falls from ceiling)

(Tori-sama looks up at gaping hole)

Tere-sama : (Straightening up) Hi guys. Whats up?


End file.
